hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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