Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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