I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
