im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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