I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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