my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
