So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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