Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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