He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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