i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
