we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
