How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
