so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
