Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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