Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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