i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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