I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
