Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
