The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
