I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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