I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
