omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
