We named our party play list daddy issues
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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