I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
