my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
