I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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