Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
