hell yes lets make some ravioli
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
