The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
