just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found puke in my bra..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
