Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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