I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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