She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
