2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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