he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
