due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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