Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
