I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
