yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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