my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
