i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How's work?
Spinning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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