last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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