Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
