also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
