so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
