Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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