I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize