Who did Billy Mays play for?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
