ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
