She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Houston, we have a blender
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
