I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
