8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
