why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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