I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
