I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
