Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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