Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
