just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
