Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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