He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
