Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
