I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
