Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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