You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
