wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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