i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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