My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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