I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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