John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
