it wasn't lemon gatorade
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
