I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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