@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
