CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
