Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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