Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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