Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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