we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
