I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
