My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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