Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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