He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
