operation harelip BJ is a go
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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