someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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